The broken tip of my pen
by neska-polita
Summary: A literary satire, where characters discuss reading and writing rather than social customs or feelings. Supposedly funny. Sort of HEA. Regency, but not really. Rated T because that's how I do it.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: A retelling of "Pride and Prejudice" on the subject of readers and reading, writers and writing, interpretations, dramatizations, fan fiction, modern takes, alternate universes and all that jazz._

_Thanks to fia-blue and Darcysfriend for "kicking the ball around" with me with this idea._

_**Health warning:**__ May contain traces of nuttiness and sarcasm. Discontinue use if you experience adverse reactions to one, the other or both. Thank you for reading me, n-p  
_

* * *

Mr. Bennet sat comfortably on his favorite chair in his favorite spot in his favorite room of the house, that is, his library. Mr. Bennet started thus one day among many days, doing what he normally did, except perhaps that today he was starting reading a new book.

Someone knocked at the door and before he could reply, it cracked open to reveal Mrs. Bennet's head in the doorway.

-"Mr. Bennet, have you heard the news?"

Mr. Bennet had heard a few news lately. They concerned the state of some roofs in his property, the value of his income and a new addition to the neighborhood. Being a reclusive man concerned mostly with books none of it really interested him so he replied that no, he had not heard the news.

-"Netherfield has been let, Mr. Bennet, _finally_. To a wealthy, single and young man."

He didn't bother to stifle a resigned sigh while he looked up at his wife.

-"And this concerns us because...?"

-"Mr. Bennet! The girls! He could, he surely will, marry one of them! _Finally_!" Mrs. Bennet was in raptures now, "At long _last_!"

-"Mrs. Bennet, don't talk so roundly", he said mostly to himself but she looked at him. "The book has just started" and he signaled the volume resting open in his hands.

-"Oh, Mr. Bennet, you're always with your books!", she admonished halfheartedly. "You should step out the library and join us more often. Reading so much is making you say nonsense".

Mr. Bennet was quite offended by this remark but kept his voice very low.

-"Mrs. Bennet, I couldn't be more obvious if I wanted to." He changed his tone to a lighter one as he ascertained, "So, this is about marriage."

-"It is, Mr. Bennet. It's wonderful, isn't it?"

He smirked non commitally as he often did and waved her goodbye, and with a quick glance to her retreating form he thought that as neither of them merited a detailed physical description, or even a first name, he didn't miss the irony of marriage being the matter of their interest.

Or perhaps there wasn't any irony at all. Some people just don't feel as entitled to have everything, a happy marriage included.

* * *

So he did pay this wealthy, single and young new neighbor a visit, not telling his womenfolk just to reprieve himself from the inquisitive harrassment that would ensue, though he knew, of course, that he was just postponing the inevitable. This man, Charles Bingley, was jovial and pleasant and informed him that he would attend the forecoming ball at Lucas Lodge, or maybe he wasn't paying attention because he wasn't doing anything in that regard. The long haired, skirt wearing people bearing his last name would find out anyway, and he wasn't sorry or concerned because aside his books the only company he truly enjoyed was his second daughter's, Elizabeth, and while he hoped she married well he wasn't looking forward to let go of her yet.

In truthfulness, he did sometimes experience a tinge of guilt and regret for not being a good husband or a particularly good father, or an iron handed ruler of his small land and finances but this was promptly overcame by anger and resignation, for not having been able to father a male heir (an heir at all, being that his property was entailed to a male heir), and for having married the promise of a beautiful woman who had faded instead of blossomed. How he was responsible for what he had had little choice or information, he didn't know, but it bothered him intensely.

Mr. Bennet was disturbed by these facts to an extent he would never admit, but it would have explained a lot of his complex character. He never admitted, it never explained, and because of this he was, indeed, and more than once, misunderstood by people who shouldn't have.

Had Mr. Bennet known this, however, he would have only smiled and returned to a book. Men's follies were not only not his concern but an essential part of life, he believed.

He thought of his wife and two youngest daughters. Too essential, he added to himself.

Aware of his self appointed marginal role in the development of events, he returned, happily, to the second chapter of his reading.


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Thank you for the reviews and the interest! This story is quite the oddball, I know... but I swear I laughed out loud writing the Bingley siblings' dialogue in this chapter. I hope you'll enjoy it too.  
_

_It's hard to take Mr. Bennet's side (I think deep inside he just pitied himself), but I admire his love of books ;-)  
_

* * *

In spite of Mrs. Bennet efforts to invite this much spoken about new neighbour to dine with them, she and her daughters had to wait until the Lucases' ball to catch sight of the object of their interest. But by all accounts it would be worth the wait, as the gentleman was reportedly gone to town to fetch a party of seven gentlemen and, unfortunately, a quite large number of ladies too.

This particular piece of news sent the female members of the Bennet family into varying degrees of excitement, as they hardly ever had the opportunity to meet new faces in their little social environment.

-"It is a funny thing to do," mused Elizabeth to her oldest sister Jane while they readied themselves for the evening, "to speak and worry so much about someone we only know by other's accounts. Why should we place so much weight in reports hardly above gossip?"

-"Not all gossip is ill-intended," was Jane's reply. "Besides, just because it isn't written on a page it doesn't mean it is less true or less meaningful."

Elizabeth smiled at her sister's remark and they descended the stairs, where their two youngest sisters Lydia and Kitty were arranging each other's bonnets. Mary, the bookish and solemn sister, was still upstairs with Mrs. Bennet, who was trying to bring out the best features of her middle daughter by force of hair pins and strategically placed ornate accessories. She wasn't having much luck.

Once they joined the group and the servants driving the carriage brought it to the house's door, Elizabeth thought they made an interesting family tableau, marked by the contrast of young and old, beautiful and plain, chatty and silent. But, with all their flaws, including her own, they were her family, the one that chance (or actually her creator) had given her, and to which she was indebted in several aspects. By example or lack thereof, it had taught her about love and respect, had given her the freedom to roam the fields and say her mind. Elizabeth Bennet was indeed grateful for all that had been given to her, even if particularly good looks were not included.

Her father, standing next to her to wave them all goodbye, had been observing her over his book. With a knowing smile and a conspiratorial whisper he told her, "The ball chapter is usually the best, isn't it?"

Elizabeth laughed at this. Her father was always comparing life to books, though it had to be said that to some extent there was a certain truth to it. Even experiencing similar happy or sad events, some people tended to live their lives as comedies and others as tragedies. Comedic ones tended to underestimate danger while tragic ones never enjoyed happiness as much as they should. While she would tell anyone she was still to decide to which kind she belonged, it had been quite obvious to everyone and for a long time, that she was a solid member to the former.

* * *

Meeting the celebrated Mr. Bingley was a very pleasant experience for all the Bennet girls and their mother. He confirmed all general reports by effectively being handsome and good natured, though this last quality didn't seem to extend to his company, made of his two sisters, his brother in law and a friend.

The Bennets mingled with the present crowd. Elizabeth and Jane looked for their dear friend Charlotte Lucas, and Mrs. Bennet went up to Lady Lucas. Mary joined a girl from Meryton who also enjoyed playing the pianoforté. Kitty and Lydia already had glasses of wine in their hands when they overheard a curious exchange from the Bingley siblings.

-"Charles!," Miss Bingley scolded. "What have you done to your hair?," she asked in a horrified tone.

-"What about it?" the brother replied distractedly while he patted it lightly. Everything seemed in order to him.

-"It's... it looks..." Miss Bingley swallowed a disgusted grimace. "It's red, Charles," she finished.

Her brother looked back at her bemusedly.

-"So is yours, Caroline," he replied calmly. Miss Bingley inspected one of the curls graciously falling from her tiara and cringed.

-"Why, Charles, why? We look... we look... Irish!" she shook her head. "We're from the north of England. We don't need to be redhaired too."

Mr. Bingley smiled patiently at his sister and repeated slowly, "Irish", and then moved onto Miss Bennet, who had been in the company of two ladies but now was on her own and who, for his immense luck, was even more beautiful than what he had repeatedly heard.

-"You have porcelain skin and well proportioned face, Caroline" Mrs. Hurst, the Bingleys' eldest sister, continued. "And you're tall, womanly and ladylike. Don't complain," she admonished halfheartedly, "as that turns the gentlemen away."

-"As if there were many," snorted her sister.

-"There is the one that matters," she replied almost above a whisper. "Mr. Darcy is reputedly a romantic hero that would do anything for the lady of his heart. I don't think he would mind red hair, but would he like a whining woman?" They both shook heads. "I think he'll find his lady soon, and you'll want to be there and ready, won't you?"

Lydia and Kitty exchanged glances and both looked down at the beverages in their hands, and at once, burst out laughing. The raucuous shrieks of laughter from the young ladies reached the sisters' ears, whose countenances then hardly concealed the scorn such behaviour produced.

* * *

Said gentleman was feeling quite uncomfortable. He didn't enjoy large gatherings in general and large gatherings of country strangers in particular, added to the fact that he was tired after having to deal with a quite unpleasant family situation concerning his dearest young sister and he had no interest in the present assembly at all. He danced with Bingley's sisters just because he could do it and they both wanted it, but he mostly stood or walked around the room, only talking to the Bingleys or the Hursts, declining being introduced to anyone and secretly hoping for the time they would retire.

None of this would be ever acknowledged and he didn't like it being exposed, not even for the purposes of explaining his presence there, but he forced himself to abide by the narrator's whim and hoped there would be good things in store for him. It seemed unlikely as Bingley attracted on himself all the action of the meeting, enthused as he was in dancing with a very pretty young lady. But being the generous soul he was he approached him soon, and while prompting him to dance shared the joy of meeting the eldest Miss Bennet.

-"Come, Darcy,'' said he, "I must have you dance. I hate to see you standing about by yourself in this stupid manner. How are you going to live up to your reputation? You had much better dance.''

Mortified and spurred by the knowledge of cats being named after him, he replied curtly that he had no intention to dance with anyone except his sisters, and that the only pretty girl in the room was dancing with him, but it didn't seem to deter Mr. Bingley, who insisted on him taking up one of Miss Bennet's sisters. It took Darcy a disparaging comment downplaying the already meagre beauty merits of said sister to swat off Bingley, who was surprisingly obstinate once he had his mind set on something, to be finally left alone. Darcy sighed to himself, relieved, and not once thinking his statement might have been heard by anyone but Bingley, least of all by the lady herself.

But he was wrong. Oh, yes, he really was, and unbeknownst to him a general feeling of animadversion toward his person was growing within most people in attendance. Had he been less tired and worried and more attentive, he might have perceived the disadvantages of such a chasm between himself and his friend's new neighbours, but it was not meant to be the case. Whether he revisited this occassion on his mind later or not it is not known, but for most of the people of Meryton and Longbourne it was, and his character based on the report (truthful but unnecessary) of the scorned lady and he wasn't there to defend himself.

And that, my friends, was a pity. But let's all learn from Mr. Darcy's lesson, that speaking ill of others never helped anyone. That's one universally acknowledged truth too often disregarded.


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: A little bridging chapter before we get into Netherfield. Thanks for the reviews, the favorite and the alerts subscriptions!  
_

* * *

The assembly at Lucas Lodge was retold, dissected, remembered and proclaimed to have been a success.

Mr. Bennet didn't like one bit that his favorite daughter had been slighted by a stranger and hoped with all his heart that the man in question lived to regret his words. He was also secretly pleased, though he would never say a word about it (and least of all to his wife), that Jane and Mr. Bingley had danced together more than once. If Jane married well, and Mr. Bingley was an excellent match in all that mattered, a heavy burden would be lifted from his shoulders. And not the smallest detail was that Jane would be living nearby and Mrs. Bennet would be absent often, visiting her.

Mr. Bennet relished this last part too.

* * *

They saw more of the newcomers as the ladies exchanged visits, and they all found themselves together in another evening in Lucas Lodge. It was not a good night for the less outspoken ones, as Jane's attachment to Mr. Bingley was brought into question by her friend Charlotte, and Mr. Darcy, much sooner than even Mr. Bennet had hoped, began to regret his initial assessment of Elizabeth.

She was not beautiful, true, but she was lively and intelligent and he was caught in her easy and playful manner before he even knew it. He would later be embarrassed by the exhaustive fleshing out of such private feelings and thoughts, but for now, he simply attempted to learn more about her.

It must be said that he did exchange some words with her and couldn't find fault in his previous reticence of dancing as she refused him when Sir Lucas, and then himself, insisted they danced together. She wouldn't dance with him, and he thought it was equal parts a good and a bad thing that she didn't care what others, Miss Bingley in fact, thought of her. He was convinced one must take care of appearances and give them due attention.

* * *

Proof that things between Jane and Mr. Bingley were sailing smoothly arrived soon in the form of a little note for Jane from Mr. Bingley's sisters. Though murder by boredom was mentioned (only the boring are bored was a mantra in the Bennet household), and this is not usually an enticement for parents to send dear daughters, it was decided that Jane would go to Netherfield on the excuse of visiting the sister but in reality to better acquaint herself with Mr. Bingley.

Mrs. Bennet thought herself very clever by exposing Jane to inclement weather on her way to Netherfield. Jane arrived soaked to the bone and caught a chill, which is a very reckless thing to do considering that she might be contagious and nobody is shown in their best light while ill. But the Bingleys insisted that she should stay with them for the time being and offered as much medical attention as it was possible to them, which was exactly what Mrs. Bennet wanted.

Nobody gave Mrs. Bennet the credit she deserved, but she would go great lengths to ensure her daughters' marriages. It was her heaviest concern and she did things about it, unlike her husband, who simply read books.

Mr. Bennet thought that dying would solve Jane's marriage problem, and even hated his wife for concocting such a harebrained plan, but only made a small humorous remark. Unlike his wife's plans, which tended to yield the desired effect, it backfired and Elizabeth left their home in exasperation toward they both and to take care of Jane in Netherfield.

Apparently Jane was in not good shape at all, and a servant from Netherfield arrived later to fetch clothes for both sisters. Mr. Bennet included a book and a get better note for his oldest child.


End file.
